Sad

I’m hurting. So bad that I can’t even explain it. I start shaking and crying and feel broken and stressed. I feel insecure to the point where I can’t take anymore pictures with anyone. I’m considering deleting the ones I have. I find a way to mess up every nice thing that I touch. Every friendship I’ve had, something goes wrong. Whether it’s me or them, I always end up hurt. And I hurt someone too. I’ve probably hurt a lot of people I don’t really know of. I’ve probably been messing up from before I knew what it meant to. I want to disappear. My greatest fear is loneliness, yet I lie to people just to be on my own. I rock back and forth in my room just crying, wanting someone to notice how badly I’m suffering. But I don’t even understand how terribly I’m doing. I can’t expect anyone else to. I’m rambling. I know this is sad. I know most people don’t want to read things like this. I’m sorry. I’m spreading sadness. I just don’t know where to go, what to do, how to act. I can’t even fake my smile right anymore. I look at it and think who is she? That’s not me. I don’t know who I am. I’m just…sad.